I talk about love

Maybe I have been out of a relationship for too long during what is usually considered a critical time period for developing relationships.

I have no idea what a relationship nowadays is supposed to be like. I have only my influenced ideas and my damn good past relationship off which to base my expectations for a relationship in this decade.

For me, everything in life, relationships included, is about balance. For me, balance is the key to having a fulfilling relationship. For me, balance, or the lack thereof, is why I ended my more-than-solid relationship.

Nearly three years ago, there was a girl, whom I will refer to as June. As far as I could tell, June was in love with me. I loved June, but I was not in love with her.

I know what you’re thinking. “Really, what is difference, if there even is one?” I think the definition varies slightly from person to person. The best way I can describe it is through a How I Met Your Mother reference. Watch the episode Farhampton, the season eight opener. What it all boiled to was that Robin was almost his soulmate, but not quite, while the Mother was the almighty One (the ending of this series is discussion for another day). Robin, as I see it, is the one he loved. And Tracy (the Mother) is the one with whom he was in love. She was the one who not only tolerated all his little quirks but actually kind of liked them. (I guess the argument could be made that Victoria fulfilled these prerequisites. But again, for another day.)

So June. We would go out on dates on every month-iversary, which I loved. I loved going to pretty places lit by beautiful lights and having someone happy and wonderful next to me. She would come to my house, and we would sleep together under the warmth of my blanket. I loved her hands touching my face. We would have conversations about God-knows-what. I loved our handshake.

These are things that are not required in a successful relationship, but I believe they are very good, small things to share with someone. But among the things we shared, arguments, miscommunication, and a general lack of common interest are not things that one wants. In these things, there was never balance; there was never a moment when I thought, “We could build something great from here.”

If I had to write a book about love, I think this would be a fitting prologue.

I always thought the way a singer pronounced the word “heart” in their song was somehow indicative of their heart.


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